SIN WILL FIND YOU OUT

                                             

As I was walking along the streets of Hell’s Kitchen, I fell under the mammoth cross that looms over Saint Paul’s House Mission on west 51st street. The neon giant practically yells out “SIN WILL FIND YOU” in block letters. As I passed by the cross I couldn’t help but feel a bit threatened, singled out.  It seemed to know all of my deepest secrets, regrets, and wrongdoings, and blame me for them. With such an aggressive display, I wondered what kind of establishment Saint Paul’s House could possibly be. Upon further research, I discovered that it was food pantry and neighborhood center. I was baffled as to why they would choose this imposing cross as an emblem for their mission house. Were people supposed to find comfort and warmth under this monstrosity?

 For ages, humans have been terrified of sin. We claim to be obsessed with morality and truth, so we welcome the idea of an omnipotent, all-knowing God that watches over us, and makes us live our best, individual life. While standing on under Saint Paul’s cross, I couldn’t help but feel that God was watching and judging me. I wondered why anyone would choose to subscribe to this version of God.  Then it occurred to me. When humans are individually called upon to be their best self, they are likely to do so. Niebuhr argues a similar concept. He says in his book Moral Man and Immoral Society, that humans are less sinful individually, than in groups. He stresses the need for personal responsibility to lead to a better society, rather than focusing on society itself. This goal makes a lot of sense, because at the end of the day the only thing you can concretely change in the world is yourself. I now realize why we care so much about sin, and seek out an ever-present, somewhat intimidating God. The feeling I got while standing under Saint Paul’s cross was good for me. It made me evaluate my actions, and put pressure on me to make moral decisions. Singling out an individual in this manner may seem abrasive, but it promotes heightened self-awareness.

If we have a bit of fear that “sin will find [us] out” it’s beneficial to our own life, and society as a whole. Perhaps there is something positive to take from the almighty, harsh concept of God which I’d always associated with paranoia and self-loathing. For as I stood under the cross’s neon shadow, I felt as if I was being held accountable. I genuinely considered what malicious actions I’ve committed recently, and whether they were worth it. As we grow up, we reject any notion of a parental figure, who can influence our decisions, or hold us liable. Sometimes that’s exactly what we need though. A threatening moral judge, who reminds us that our actions truly do carry weight in the world. That night I finally called my best friend who I had been ignoring for a month. I knew I’d wronged her, and was punishing her for my own mistakes. We talked and patched things up. Had it not been reminded of my sinfulness, which always comes back to bite me, I may have never made that decision.